The Cups;
How do we pour in to our own cups when we have nothing left to give?
One of my main goals for ‘The Pour’ is to help Mums figure out how to pour in to their own cups better and sharing what I learn as I figure it out for myself. I thought it was about time I clarified what I mean by this and deep dive it a little so here goes…
This column will be best enjoyed with a beverage, so take a moment and pour yourself a Pinot, make yourself a coffee, a Matcha or crack a Coke Zero- whatever takes your fancy girlfriend (would love if you post a pic and tag The Pour or my profile).
Ok now we have gotten that sorted, I want you to picture a toddler independently pouring a glass of milk. If they are like my girl, chances are they will go for maximum pour and probably end up with the glass overflowing and that my friends is exactly the energy I want you to think about when you think of pouring in to your own cup. Maximum pour and cup overflowing!
Now what does this mean… well simply put, we cannot pour from an empty cup. I’m sure you’ve heard this all before, it’s not new information. However this time I really want you to sit with it a minute and think about the concept instead of letting it bounce off you and just responding with “yea cool but I can’t” or “sure but I have no time” or “maybe when” and so on and so on. I bet you just went “how the hell does she know that’s what I immediately jumped to” and the answer is because that’s also where my brain immediately goes. We have been conditioned to think that a Mother’s role is to put everyone and everything first by default. This is why we have a bunch of depleted, unhappy, unsatisfied, burnt-out and exhausted Mums out there and I say enough!!
If you’re reading this and you’re already feeling triggered or thinking this is me, I don’t make time for myself and I do feel tired, resentful, angry, depleted etc but I can’t see how it can get better- I’m here to say it will I promise and I too have felt that. We just simply have to prioritise meeting our own needs and look at it as taking care of our families because at the end of the day we are a part of our families. Also newsflash people, just because we are now Mums doesn’t mean our needs, our interests and what we need to feel fulfilled simply evaporates. We are also just human beings walking through this life and experiencing things for the first time too- WE HAVE NEEDS.
Recently, I had an AHA moment where I noticed a significant shift that really was the inspiration for writing this. It was a weekend we had Wade’s parents over from Tasmania to stay with us. Throughout the weekend I got pockets of time to myself and we had extra help which was nice. Leading up to this my load was HEAVY with work responsibilities and just general family day to day. It was Sunday night and I decided to make the best of this opportunity and go and run myself a bubble bath because Quinn was happily playing with Nan. I was in there for about ten minutes just enjoying the quiet and my beautiful bath when my darling girl came running in “Mum what you doing”. She obviously heard me up there and because I’m her favourite person she had to come check it out. We had a cute little convo and then she played in the bubbles with me and used some things as toys to drop in the bath and we giggled, chatted and played for about 15 minutes- it was lovely and a beautiful moment. I thought to myself that’s a shift because lets rewind to past Kressinda who wasn’t articulating what she needed or making time and space for herself to fill her cup she would have been frustrated. Immediately my thought would have been “can’t I just have a moment” or “there are other adults here” “why isn’t Wade coming to get her” but because I had already had pockets of time to serve my needs, I was able to just really cherish that moment with my daughter and not at all see it as a negative.
Now because I am our very own living experiment Mum doll who has tried and tested all the things for us in a very unmeasured, unsupervised kind of scary science experiment way; I have information & I have results! Full disclosure I have in no way mastered any of this yet but I sit here today as a Mum who at least understands that pouring in to my own cup is essential to a happy household and bit by bit I am getting better at the balancing act. I think the easiest way for me to frame this for you is in list format:
Now if you do the above, I whole heartedly believe you will start to notice a shift in your mood, your energy, your ability to self regulate and how you show up for your family (shit even your hair might start to appear shinier)!1 This is certainly what I found to be true in my non-regulated science experiment. All of a sudden I started not having feelings of resentment for when my husband was off doing things like cricket and golf (I want him to have fun he deserves that and so do I), I am calmer, more present with Quinn and enjoying playtime with her, I feel more myself than I have in a long while and I feel HAPPY. All in all I show up better for my family and handle all of my responsibilities sooooo much better if I’m also prioritising filling my cup for little sips along the way!
Would love to see what you come up with and lets flood the internet with positivity and show the World what it looks like when Mums show up for themselves and prioritise their happiness and wellbeing. Please tag me #fillingmycup #metimemenu #thepour so I can follow your journey.
The Pour can no way endorse or prove this statement nor will we be liable if your hair does not indeed prove shinier.
BONUS BELOW…
Because I’m a girls girl, I’ve included for you below my very own ‘Me Time Menu’ as well as a bonus recipe that I have been loving for a quick pre-work/morning chaos breakfast to ensure I’m starting the day out by doing something small for myself. The recipes will be a new paid feature I’m offering under Kressinda’s Kitchen where you can find all kinds of inspo, recipes, tips and tricks!
Your doing amazing 🩷🩷