New Age Mums;

We’re not regular Mums we’re: Burnt out, overworked, underpaid, under appreciated, over stimulated & have a million different tabs open in our brains at any one time.

First, a little about me… 

I’m 35 years old (proud Millennial- don’t come for me Gen Z), a Commercial Manager (FT), happily married with a beautiful little girl Quinn who is two and a half.

I met my now husband in Tasmania where we both grew up surrounded by family and friends that we had known most our lives. We now live in a beautiful home in Werribee, Victoria (away from most of our family and friends) which we bought during COVID because we no longer could spend our money on fun things like travel and concerts. 

My parents are still married to this day as are my Husband’s (rare we know). I was raised on a family farm which was first established by my Great Grandfather after returning from War. I would say I was brought up in a very traditional household where my Dad worked and my Mum she mostly was a SAH Mum taking care of all the things related to us kids and the house with the added layer of handling all the bookwork for the farm and even pitching in on the paddock work every now and then (what a machine). While I have every respect for my Mum and the work she did and what she gave to our family; I knew from a very early age that this was never going to be a life I would choose for myself. I wanted to see the World, I wanted to carve out a career that would inspire others, live life on my terms and I NEVER wanted to be reliant on a man for money. Since becoming a mother myself I understand more than ever the sacrifices my Mum made for us kids and the load she carried. Mum if you’re reading this- love you, appreciate you and sorry for any time that I was a brat. 

Over the years motherhood was something I would go back and forth on whether or not it was for me. I guess the ultimate question that kept rising to the surface was: can I still do everything I want to and be a Mum. This question was not one that was unique to me of course, it was one I think a lot of my generation of women were asking (are still asking). I believe this stems from our generation being brought up with the belief that we really could do anything but at the same time being raised by a generation of Mums who lived in a different time with different values and those two ideals don’t necessarily mesh. 

My Mother to this day devotes EVERYTHING to her children and is a pillar of support to my Father. She caters to all of our needs without a second thought. She’s incredibly selfless, generous, maternal, nurturing and understanding. All of which are not words that I would use to describe myself. I look at her though and think she is the absolute epitome and standard of what a Mother should be. So the question then becomes; do I hold myself to that standard when we are very different people living entirely different lives!? Because that is what I’ve had modelled for me (and its worked out positively) shouldn’t I be at least trying to emulate that!? 

Well I’m two and a half years deep and I’m here to say the answer to the above questions is NO ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT. To my fellow Millennial Mums and those who are in the other generations much cooler than ours I say- STOP IT, STOP IT RIGHT NOW. Stop trying to do and be all of the things. Stop with the comparisons, stop with the guilt, stop with the shaming, stop putting yourselves last and suffering in silence- just stop it! We are the generation that can have it all but I’m here to say we have not quite figured out how to have it all at once without absolutely running ourselves in to the ground. We need more from society, our families/support networks and we need to stop being quiet about it and ashamed of asking for it. I don’t necessarily know what that looks like and I’d love to hear your thoughts (if you’re reading this please reach out or feel free to share). But I’m here to say enough is enough! The pressure and expectations that we feel not only from society but also from ourselves is exhausting and if we don’t start shifting this narrative I am worried about where this journey will take us. 

Things that immediately jump to mind that are significantly different for us “new age mums” in contrast to our Mums: 

• Career and the financial balance within a family unit. For example I am the higher income earner in my family and that is more and more common these days. Yet there still seems to be expectation on Mums to be the ones to stay home with the children and do all of the traditional roles. I think this snippet from Gruen is pretty hard hitting when looking at the financial pressures:

• ‘The Village’. More and more people are moving interstate or internationally for lifestyle and career opportunities and with that comes the isolation from family and friends you may have been able to lean on. For comparison, my Nan and Pop lived the next property over from us and we spent a heap of time with them growing up as well as with extended family and friends. My ‘Village’ includes Daycare and while they are wonderful, I do pay them a chunk of money and they’re not available to me out of hours or even Public Holidays (but yes I do still have to pay for that). 

• Expectation and pressure. Yes I know this is not necessarily a new thing however I do believe that with the advancements we have made with learning about our children’s developments, diets and emotional wellbeing along with tech and social media, comes an added layer of more expectation/pressure. The “oh you should be doing this”, “oh your child doesn’t know how to speak another language”, “do you teach your child how to meditate” “gentle parenting but also boundaries” “baby led weening- where the hell do I start”.

Things I have done for myself or learnt that I’ve found helpful:

• Communicate better with my Husband on what I need, what I have on my plate and what I’m struggling with (still a work in progress but we’ve come a long way).

• Created a shared calendar on my iPhone which my husband can see all of the things so he knows what we have going on rather than having to ask me one million times (helloooo mental load)!

• Created a shared to-do reminders list on phone so he can help with family tasks and tick them off (he knows this turns me on). 

• Talk to other Mums and be more transparent and open. The amount of times I have done this and the response has been “no way, you too” is incredible.

• Habit stacking- Each day I have a task that I need to do for our family/home and pair it with something for me e.g. on Saturdays I watch something on Netflix whilst meal planning for the week. 

• Unpack feelings of guilt around taking time for myself and talk openly about them to friends, my Mum or Husband when they surface. 

• Outsource when you need to. This will look different for everyone based on your circumstances but for example every so often I now get a cleaner to do our bathrooms. It’s a job both my husband and I hate and I came to realise my time is valuable too (duhhh). 

• When overstimulated, insert headphones. This helped me on my breastfeeding journey and now I often pop them in and listen to a podcast when cooking dinner. 

• People do not know what you need- tell them. It’s that simple. Often people will look at me and think I have got it all together and often I am guilty of projecting that. It’s ok to ask for help and lean on others or to let them see you struggle.  

• If you don’t take care of yourself you’re not taking care of your family either because one day all that stress, all those unhealthy habits they will catch up with you and your family will be the ones that will suffer. 

All of the above points I will be expanding on further in the coming weeks. I hope to shed some light on some very real situations todays Mums are facing. Provide further insight and learnings I have found along the way in a non “you should be doing this” or judgy Mum advice that no one asked for kinda way. I will also be sharing products, podcasts, books etc because your girl is here to help you out (no gatekeeping here). My hope is that I can maybe give you a laugh, make you feel seen and less alone and help a sister out!

I’m not here saying I have all the answers, believe me I still feel incredibly lost and alone a lot of the time but I have never been one afraid to speak my mind and this is me putting it out there so that hopefully we can carve out a better way forward for our daughters.