35;
Things I know to be true as a Birthday gift from me to you (Mum life edition).
Wrote this one whilst sitting in QLD at night on a work trip when I actually had some time to reflect and space to write. Please note these are my takeaways to date and if they aren’t true to your experience that’s ok; please take them as they are intended- thoughts on paper with a dash of humour and humility.
*Important to note, these are my Mum learnings; should you decide to get pregnant after reading this, I cannot guarantee you will experience it the same way I did and will not be liable for any misleading sentiments- deuces!
No one can prepare you for the epic journey that motherhood will take you on (but a bloody heads up would be nice girls)!
Whilst becoming a Mum will transform you in boundless ways, at your core you will still be who you always have been and you will still want the same things; your perspective and values may have had a refocus though.
Breastfeeding is a bitch! No matter how open minded you go in to it, the hormones are designed to destroy you should you not be able to do it. *Understand this is not everyone’s journey (some have that beautiful breastfeeding bliss story to tell you but I believe that version is out there enough; it’s time to represent the other side).
The love and protectiveness you feel for your child will be so intense it will not only scare the people around you when you go all Mumma bear on their asses but also you.
You and your partner will have to work really hard at not pissing one another off and re-learn how to show up for each other.
Mum guilt is real! However how you choose to recognise it and give it space to fester is on you (sometimes you won’t even know you are). Acknowledging & unpacking those feelings of guilt when they arise is super helpful in combatting it.
The female body is fucking incredible!
That being said, pregnancy and child birth will absolutely do a number on you and it is paramount that you do everything you can to take care of it both pre and post natal. If you’re pregnant now I recommend waddling your ass immediately to a women’s health physio.
You start to see the World and people through a different lens.
It is hard to be a good parent. To be patient, to learn as you go, to try a million different approaches and still not get the desired result, to balance everything, to be running on empty, to understand their needs etc etc.
You cry more than you ever have!
You don’t have time for bullshit or unimportant things and that is a blessing.
You learn to time manage and multitask like an absolute boss!
You will miss the old you and the endless amount of time you had for yourself and relaxing/fun things.
There will be a gap between you and your friends that don’t have children. It’s important to remember that while your lives may look very different that’s ok and you can still hold space for one another.
Your needs are just as important as everyone else’s in your family (thank you ‘Motherkind’).
Your children have the power to destroy you and humble you quicker than you ever thought possible.
They also have the power to turn a seemingly bad moment in to a glorious one in a blink of an eye.
Self care comes in many different forms as a Mum and you need to learn to recognise the different types of ways to “fill your cup”. Sometimes tidying your space is actually self care, have a coffee with a friend, exercise, sunshine, read a book, make an appointment etc (more on this v soon).
The hormone imbalances throughout pregnancy and motherhood will f%ck you up.
You will often think people are judging you when they are not.
You will also assume everyone is handling this better than you which is also not true.
The mental load will be heavier than carrying your toddler mid tantrum with arms full of shopping through a packed shopping centre.
You will have to remind yourself countless times to be kind to yourself and that this is the first time you are learning how to be a Mum so give yourself a bloody break!
If at any point in time your child has a medical emergency you will go crazy and most likely everyone within the near vicinity of you should beware.
You will often look at your child and think they are the cutest, funniest, amazing little human being there ever was.
The chores and to-do lists will never end.
Your kids will think you are the absolute best person in the World and all they ever really want is your love and attention.
Anxiety and stress levels increase to the nth degree.
When you become pregnant it’s almost as though the World thinks your body is now public property, up for discussion and no longer private. It’s ok to kindly (if you’re feeling generous) remind people that is absolutely not ok.
How you speak to yourself during this time is particularly important. Learn to speak to yourself the same way you would a girlfriend, sister or even your daughter.
It takes two whole years for mothers to start to feel themselves again; for their hormones to return to normal and for their brain chemistry to balance.
Knowledge is power, however you should refrain from going down rabbit holes of information on the internet where possible.
Trust your instincts always but also don’t be afraid to ask for advice.
Being a Mum will kick your butt every which way. It will break you down piece by piece but it will rebuild you in to something so much stronger. Your life will no longer be recognisable but it will also be more fulfilled than you could have possibly imagined.
Pretty much all of these learnings/ideals/themes will be expanded on in the coming editions of The Pour- stay tuned.
You are doing a great job with your awesome girl love you both 🩷mum xxx
Yes to every single one of those 🙌🏻